TheLoop21.com

By: Tanisha Blakely (Add to your loop)
Fri, 06/19/2009 - 00:00

This Father's Day some dads won't see their children and others won't even get a call.

We hear a lot about deadbeat dads — those who don’t claim, spend time, raise or support their children. But what about the fathers who want to be in their offspring’s life, but the mothers won’t allow them? This sad state of affairs is what we call: baby mama drama. Whether it’s fair or not, in some cases, how the relationship ends with the parents dictates the father's relationship with his child. 

Back in March, on Sociallicks.com, I produced a four-part video series on the realities of parents raising children out of wedlock called the Birth of Drama: The Baby Mama and Baby Daddy Effect. Nearly four-in-ten (36.8 percent) births in this country are to an unmarried woman, according to a 2007 Pew Research Center study. The same study reports that blacks are much less likely than whites to marry and much more likely to have children outside of marriage. With the high cohabitation trends, is it really a surprise that the term “baby mama” has replaced “wife?” 

Khalid, the father featured in the Sociallicks.com video series, chatted with me about the word often used to describe unwed fathers and what he thought about Fox News calling Michelle Obama a baby mama.

Sociallicks.com: What do you think of the term “baby daddy?” 

Khalid (Age 28): I try not to use that [term]. If someone asks me, I’ll say “my daughter’s mother,” because “baby mama” and “baby daddy” have a negative tinge to it. 

What did you think when Fox News, during the presidential election campaign, described Michelle Obama as a “baby mama?” 

Khalid: Michelle Obama has been married for a numerous amount of years and baby mama has the connotation that there’s no marriage, no commitment. So, that’s not her. 

I felt that [Fox News] was inappropriate. Borderline racist. [Sarah] Palin’s daughter; she’s a baby mama in the context that most people know it as. But I doubt that [Fox News] gives her that title. 

What was your reaction when you realized that you wouldn’t be raising your twin daughters in a traditional household, meaning under the same roof with their mother? 

Khalid: That’s a tough question because initially I never thought about that. In my mind, I just always knew that I would contribute to raising them. It’s not something that I thought about negatively. 

A lot of times we get really tied up with “things are supposed to look a certain way to operate in a certain way.” And I know a lot of people who have the “traditional family” structure and it’s not the most optimal situation for raising the kids because of the relationship of the mother and father. 

I guess when I realized that [my daughter’s mother] and me weren’t going to work out, I felt bad. I felt like maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough. Or maybe this is going to affect my daughters negatively in a way I may not be able to see now. I wondered ‘Will they resent me?’ 

Visit Sociallicks.com to watch the entire “Birth of Drama: The Baby Mama and Baby Daddy Effect” video series:

Episode 1: Where Do Baby Daddies Come From?

Episode 2: Money, Power, Respect

Episode 3: We Need a Resolution

Episode 4: Dear Mama and Daddy

Tanisha Blakely lives in Brooklyn, NY where she works as a web product development professional during the day and a journalist at night. She’s the editor and founder of Sociallicks.com.

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